Argus Hamilton


© Copyright 2018

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

The Weather Channel reported a massive high-pressure ridge over the Imperial Desert Friday sending desert winds into L.A. and causing one-hundred-sixteen degree temperatures. It‘s really bad. It’s so hot in Los Angeles today that people are saying nice things about Trump just for the cold stares.

The New York Post said Sunday that Hillary Clinton is considering a run for the Democratic nomination for president again in two years. The pundits are weighing the pros and cons. Hillary Clinton does have tremendous name recognition, and if she can overcome that, she could win the nomination.

The World Cup semi-finals today in Moscow will feature England versus Croatia and France versus Belgium, and just to add to the tension President Trump arrives in Europe. World War I started over less. The Russian team that lost to Croatia Saturday will now be known as team Siberia.

Rap star Chris Brown was arrested for an outstanding warrant on an assault charge in Florida Friday while he was on tour in Miami. His reputation precedes him. Last week Chris Brown totaled his Ferrari when he smashed into a wall, and the police asked him how long he’d been dating the car.

Facebook ran an algorithm that says parts of the Declaration of Independence that created this country are racist. What do you expect from a document signed by fifty-six Anglo-Saxon men over two centuries ago? They came within three votes of creating a country club with 13 holes instead.

President Trump stood by his zero-tolerance border policy Friday as the best way to try to keep the U.S. safe from terrorist infiltration. There’s evidence that terrorists have already made it into California and are recruiting in L.A. I’m pretty sure that ISIS has my dental hygienist on its short list.

James Woods was dropped by his agent Thursday due to the actor’s conservative, pro-Trump tweets. Woods says he can afford to be outspoken because he purchased Apple stock thirty years ago. Apple just traded James Woods to Samsung for Robert DeNiro and two patents to be named later.

President Trump began referring to L.A. Congresswoman Maxine Waters as Crazy Maxine in speeches at rallies last week. Maxine urged Democrats to harass Trump supporters in restaurants, on the street, wherever they can be found. Due to recent death threats, she’s now wearing Kevlar wigs.

London Mayor Sadiq Khan raised fifteen thousand dollars to make a huge balloon which depicts President Trump as a baby to fly over London this week. The cost of a bullet for a Secret Service Glock 9 mm pistol to shoot it out of the sky is fifty cents. The look on the Snowflakes’ faces, priceless.

National Geographic reported that archeologists digging in Egypt found an ancient mummy whose body wrappings in her burial crypt included cocaine. This sets history on its ear. Until now, scientists believed it was Hollywood who was the first to believe that cocaine made you feel immortal.

GOP Congressman Jim Jordan denied knowing about child sex abuse by Ohio State’s sports doctor when he was a wrestling coach for the Buckeyes. Taxpayers are horrified by child abuse taking place in the campus athletic facility. Ohio already has one city named Sandusky, they don’t need two.

WalMart stopped selling t-shirts online that read Impeach 45 after Trump supporters vowed to boycott the store. Neither party minds if WalMart is selling MAGA hats. Democrats believe as an article of faith that Make America Great Again is a slogan that was four years ahead of its time.

The London Guardian reported Saturday that an Australian man claimed the fifty-five million dollar Lotto jackpot last week six months after the winning numbers were drawn Don’t even ask the odds against winning these things. The lottery is voluntary taxation for people who can’t do math.



 


© Copyright 2018 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

 

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