Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2019

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

The Hollywood Reporter reported Friday movie stars and TV stars were mobilizing in protest of President Trump’s partial government shutdown until the House Democrats agree to a border barrier. Michael Moore is planning to go on a fourteen-minute hunger strike. He’ll never make it.

A Royal Caribbean Cruise liner was forced back to port this past weekend after five hundred passengers got violently ill with indigestion from the ship’s food. Cruise line officials were quick to explain the number. They said it’s the slow season and there were only five hundred people aboard.

President Trump renewed his vow to declare an emergency to pay for the border wall Friday if Congress refuses to pay for it. Other members of the U.S. government pitched in with their ideas. Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh offered to pay for the border wall by recycling all his empties.

President Trump threatened to declare a national emergency and pay for the border wall out of Pentagon funds or emergency disaster relief funds. This prompted an outcry from the Pentagon and Puerto Rico. Suppose we build the wall on the Mexican side of the border and call it foreign aid?

The U.S. Senate approved a bill Tuesday that will provide back pay to federal workers who have been fafurloughed due to the shutdown. It only fueled their outrage. Only government workers would complain about not going to work when they’re going to wind up getting paid for not working anyway.

Senator Elizabeth Warren campaigning for president in Iowa Friday refused to talk about her absence of Cherokee blood, which she once claimed to get professorships and sell cookbooks. Her opponents need to lay off the silly jokes about it. Liz Warren’s Indian name is NOT Grey Beaver.

San Antonio’s Democratic former mayor and HUD secretary Julian Castro announced Friday in San Antonio that he’s running for President of the United States in 2020. It’s not going to be easy for Castro to be elected. And people thought Obama had a rough going with a name like Hussein.

Julian Castro announced his candidacy to a large crowd in San Antonio Friday and promised liberal reforms. He’s already hemmed in by Democratic rivals if he plans to court the progressive vote. The only way Castro can run to the left of Bernie Sanders and Liz Warren is by growing a beard.

Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard announced Friday that she will run for the presidency and launched a fundraising campaign. Tulsi is respected as a tough customer. President Trump graciously welcomed her to the race, adding that if elected she’d be our first president born in Hawaii.

Democratic Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard began her 2020 presidential campaign on Friday with a speech ripping Trump’s insistence on building a border wall. Of course, Hawaii doesn’t need a wall, they have a shark-filled moat. And to this day you won’t find a Guatemalan in Honolulu.

House freshman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez continued taking selfies inside the U.S. Capitol and ripping older Democratic leaders while proposing a seventy-percent income tax on the rich. Due to PC you are no longer allowed to call a moron a moron. You have to call her Congresswoman AOC.

Canadian government officials announced Sunday that they want to add a million immigrants to Canada’s population by the end of next year to fill job openings. It’s welcome news to the U.S. President Trump could now re-open the government just by adding a Caravan Lane to Interstate Five.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos must soon lose the world’s largest fortune in a divorce after cheating on his wife. This is a cautionary sign to all young men who are determined to make their mark on the world. If you’re thinking about starting a family make sure you love both children and lawyers.


© Copyright 2019 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


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