Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2018

Friday, March 16, 2018

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

Hillary Clinton slipped and fell down stairs twice in India Monday before she made it onstage and blasted white women for not voting for her. Later on, Hillary checked into a Mumbai hospital with a badly sprained hand. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.

CBS News showed students walking out of high schools nationwide and protesting for stricter gun laws. The same day, a California teacher heading a class on gun safety accidentally shot and wounded three students. Everyone’s just hoping the teacher doesn’t get transferred to the sex ed class.

National Geographic reported that archaeologists discovered a huge cache of fossils from the Ice Age underneath a parking garage in the Hancock Park section of Los Angeles. The discovery includes four wooly mammoths. It could very well be the scientists stumbled onto the set of The View.

The View host Joy Behar apologized to Vice President Mike Pence Monday for making fun of his Christian conservative values on the air last week. He is rock solid on family and faith and morality. Nevertheless, Pence has to feel a little weird that a porn star is trying to make him president.

Stormy Daniels was interviewed by Anderson Cooper on CBS 60 Minutes Friday. She claimed her non-disclosure deal with Trump about their tryst is null and void because he never signed the contract. If true, that would be the first time in his life that Trump didn’t put his name on something.

President Trump was whisked across L.A. from his Beverly Hills fundraiser to his downtown hotel via helicopter Tuesday. The foliage was green all the way. Since Trump was elected president, the California drought has been reduced by ninety-seven percent, and that’s just from all the crying.

President Trump fired economic advisor Gary Cohn and his assistant last week. So this week Trump fired his Secretary of State, and his National Security Advisor is rumored next to be fired. Democrats want to know if it’s an impeachable offense to shout fired inside a crowded Cabinet Room.

SpaceX entrepreneur Elon Musk followed up on his successful space launch by announcing plans to send a manned mission to Mars. He publicly warned anyone applying to go that there’s a good chance they would die. You’d die of old age just reading the entire liability waiver he’d make you sign.

President Trump named CIA deputy director Gina Aspel to be the new Director of the Central Intelligence Agency. She ran a unit that tortured captured terrorists. Trump promised during the campaign that America was going to have the world’s best water-boarding, we’re going to use Perrier.

The White House said the CIA and Gina Aspel followed the law when they interrogated terror suspects. Water-boarding ended when CIA interrogators found they got more information out of prisoners giving them Big Macs, fries and shakes. No terrorist can withstand the American way of life.

President Trump fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Tuesday, reportedly because he didn’t agree with Trump’s bellicosity toward the Paris Climate Accord, Iran, and North Korea. What do you call a peaceful white man? Nothing yet, but we’ll call him an unpatriotic traitor when he’s discovered.

The House Intelligence Committee cleared the Trump campaign and the Hillary campaign of colluding with the Russians Monday. It appears the Kremlin tried to meddle on behalf of both sides. The Russians may be sued in the World Court if they voted twice and didn’t pay Chicago any royalties.

The Tulsa World reports an Oklahoma mother who got busted by police for marrying her own son was sent to prison for marrying her daughter. You can look at it two ways. My guess is, this Sunday, the Methodist ministers will preach against incest while the Baptists will preach against sloth.


© Copyright 2018 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


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